Some days are just bad days, thats all.

Whatever's good for your soul ... do that

I sat down at my desk today, astonished that I was about to embark, yet again, on a task that I have done for the last eight years. Is it at all ironic that my office flooded (for the THIRD TIME) and I was surrounded in stinky, mildewy muck? No, it wasn't just that, that was giving me the distinct feeling that I shouldn't be here… ‘Why am I feeling like this?’, I asked myself. Well, I was supposed to be living in another country, studying in a new field, connecting with my peeps and meeting new ones and so on. It doesn't help that I get non-stop Facebook invites to all the amazing events that my Boulder friends are attending that give me daily pangs of regret. If there is one fear I have, its is the 'fear of missing out' and its legit. So there is me, who craves change and challenge, sitting down to a task that I’ve done regularly for one too many years. Not that I am ungrateful, my work has been a continual source of inspiration for me, one that I know Ive had a positive impact in my small corner of the world. But that is the problem, my life is here is all “work” related. Many other aspects of my being are limited here, social life, dating life - non-existent. Seriously lacking stimulation intellectually (and physically lol). Whats a girl to do? I think I did say something about NOT making plans since Creator has had a good loooonnng chuckle over all my previous ones. So, here is INTJ me reluctantly allowing myself to “go with it” (even that saying makes me cringe!). Impatient me is restless for a plan, or at least the glimmer hope for one to be made clear. Im still contemplating taking the two pre-requisite courses for the UVic counselling program this Fall, but the leg work to do all that feels like too much after what Ive been through with all previous efforts. I am also wondering how much effort to expend on this new business venture considering the financial recession upon us. I have a stack of grants for artists and artistic projects that feels too overwhelming to dive into. So I crave positive challenge, but here again I face a hard one. Feeling a kind of aimless uncertainty. So my plea to Creator today is, ‘come on now, throw a girl a bone why don’t cha?’. Im willing to follow "The" plan, but let it reveal itself. Sitting in the void is the hardest work of all.... doing it alone even harder. Just as I went to upload this blog post the message literally said "Loading... Good vibes coming your way" LOL We'll see....

On a funnier note this little meme gave me a laugh. Im the guy in blue... why IS that?